We are all going there and that's a fact. Whether we like it or not, everybody dies. But why is it that for many years, decades, or even from the time of Jesus, it is so disheartening to lose someone close to us? It always breaks our heart to accept the fact and true nature of life. It is never easy and if you have experienced this, count me in the bandwagon of people who have lost someone so dear in their life.
It has been 4 years since the death of my 3-year-old youngest daughter Robin Faith due to cardiomyopathy and it has been only today that I have searched on this topic: COPING WITH LOSS.
I just felt the need to face - well, not "fear" but maybe the reality. I always hear other people say that if you have lost someone or if someone dies closest to you, you go through stages and blah, blah, blah. In my mind, "Yeah, whatever. You haven't experienced it yourself, so don't act as my psychologist." It is always hard to give advices especially sensitive issues or happenings in a person's personal life when you haven't experienced or felt the same pain.
What happened to my search? Well, upon reading through the pages, I kept nodding and agreeing on what was written. I read Hospice of the North Shore's article on the Grieving Process and they have even provided pdf handouts for The Stages of Grief, Myths and Facts About Grief, How to Take Care of Yourself While Grieving, Loss Affects People in Different Ways, How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving. (Sharing it below)
I haven't read everything yet, but it seemed helpful enough and made me realize that what I felt and how I reacted with my loss was normal. At least I confirm my sanity. Isn't it great for hospitals or well, I suppose that hospitals in the first world countries are doing this, but I hope hospitals in third world countries like ours here in the Philippines should provide handouts like this to people who are suffering from loss.
Not just hand it to them but simply introducing them to support groups who have experienced the same. Upon Robin's death, me and my husband had nobody to talk to or we just coped on our own. No one in our community ever experienced our experience and most of them lost their parents, or distant relatives perhaps. A lot of parents in our country might have, but not in a place near to where we are living.
Ours was the other way around - losing a child. It was only through the internet that I was able to connect with parents from all over the world who have lost their child. I have known of others more worse than what we have encountered. This doesn't make me happy, but it just simply gives me some kind of relief and confirmation of the same feelings we have as humans, coping with loss, and the most important thing of all - WE ARE NOT THE ONLY ONES.
You or people close to you might have lost someone. Here are the pdf handouts that I think will be very helpful to share.
The Stages of Grief
Myths and Facts About Grief
How to Take Care of Yourself While Grieving
Loss Affects People in Different Ways
How to Help Someone Who Is Grieving
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again.